On the edge

I was thinking of a blog subject last friday and this is how I felt on the edge. The edge of giving up not knowing how much more I can handle. Teetering between the line of acceptance and the drive to push till our dream comes true. I started thinking of our marriage without a child of our own and was thinking it wouldn't be so bad. I sat on the edge of the cliff in my mind not knowing which side to chose. Well I didn't have yo make a choice God made it for me yesterday at 16dpo I got a bfp!!! I am overjoyed and just in awe of my body and God. I also think acupuncture had alot to do with this pregnancy and to that I am grateful to my acupuncturist. So no more taking temps or tests I am going to enjoy this pregnancy and take it day by day. This is lucky number 13. The number 13 is a lucky number for me contrary to what others think. My brother dies on fridsy may 13,1988 struck by lightning on his last day of college I was only 9 years old. My memories are few and I can not for the life of me remember his voice that bugs me. So when I was pregnant with Lily I was due on May 23 I just knew in my heart I would go near this date I kind of prayed to him that if I did I would know that    he holds me in his heart and  even though I had few memories and was young he was my big brother none the less. So she came into the world that day and turned a sad day in my family to a joyous day and that he was with us. So for this to be pregnancy 13 I just pray that my brother has some divine intervention and I bring this baby home. I have been praying since yesterday to God to please bless this baby and to thank him for this baby. I like to think he saw me at the edge and brought me to the side of our dream coming true. I have to wonder when I was so close yo giving up this has to be a miracle.