Am I the only one..

Who hates their birthday???? It's not the getting older thing I could careless about that. See I think it's because I never had a good birthday. I know my parents threw me parties a few times but in the 80's they were more like kids from the block coming over for ice cream and cake and I had a sleepover party for my 10th birthday party. My mom for my recollection never made a big deal or am I making that up. I sometimes think I must of had some great birthday party and I just do not remember?  My sister who is two years older than me she had  a pac man party and the other time  a wonder woman party. These parties were thrown when we were very young say 6 and under after that birthdays were not a big deal in my house. I think it was my 17th or 18th birthday when my mom actually forgot to even wish me a happy birthday. Again this year no happy birthday from her a text the next day saying she didn't forget it was my birthday just forgot to text. Umm that's forgetting in my book. So now I  actually get very anxious on my birthday it's not posted on fb and usually get through most of the day until my sister will post me a happy birthday on fb then others follow. I usually sit in my room on my birthday and veg out. One year my husband bought me the most awful beach cover up some ugly navy blue cover up I call it my wholesome wear!!! You might be thinking I want people to make a big deal of it but I really don't. This year it was just another day and that was ok for me I made my favorite meal because logistically I wanted to eat at a normal time and waiting for my husband to come home to cook and everything I would be starving. My baby Lil made me a Happy birthday banner and cleaned the downstairs(awesome present). My husband got me card which actually wasn't one of his best he usually picks me out the best birthday cards so this year he didn't oh well. He bought me chocolate protein shake and a shaker thing for it. He wanted to buy me jewelry but told him no. I did ask for some things to be done around the house and he did hang a light downstairs for me so that was one thing I wanted. Still waiting on the back screen  door to be spray painted and rescreened. I dislike my birthday am I weird for this are there others out there?

     This is why I make my kids favorite dinners on their birthdays and get them what they ask for and just make a big deal. This year it wasn't the best  birthdays for my girls because of the pregnancy and the baby. So I will just make sure to make them extra special this year. I did make them their favorite dinner and a cake. My girls are not fans of bakery cake they like homemade the best or pudding pie. I always give them a card reflecting on their last year and some advice for the future. I want them to remember their birthdays even if it was just that their mom made their favorite meal, made cupcakes to bring into school or had a party. I want them to know that their birthday is special because it's the day they came into my life and started their own lives.  

Life is different

Life is different this summer instead of heading to the beach we are at home taking in all the precious moments with Leah. It was kind of weird to be at home on the weekend. I sometimes didn't know what to do with myself!!! Crazy how quick life changes and this is our new world but we wouldn't have it any other way!!! My husband stares at her constantly and just repeats she is the greatest and just  the other day as he was holding her walking around the house I could hear him whisper I waited for you for so long, it brought tears to my eyes. The peace that has overcome me these past weeks is nothing that I have ever felt before. It is something new to me and actually gives me some anxiety that life could be so great and it is. Life is pretty damn good right now. We have settled into my work routine and  since last Friday has started sleeping through the night. She goes down anywhere between 8-9 and wakes up between 4-5am and if I am off that day she will nurse and go back to sleep till 8-9am!!! I am hoping she keeps this up for awhile. Me and Lenny have come to realize though that she likes to be sleeping in a bassinet or bed for her long stretches especially at night. So we have talked and if we do go out with her our night is ending at 7:30 aww the life of parenthood but we do not mind and have not taken her out like that anyways and honestly do not have any plans too. We are happy just staying at home and enjoying her. Life with older children and young infants is hard especially in the summer. Lily goes to her dad's for one week than we have her for a week.  Leah can not be out in the heat all day which limits what we can do as a family. I can not leave her for the day to say go to the beach because realistically I would have to find some where to pump and than store my breast milk and all that and that is just too much for me. So this upcoming weekend I think my husband is going to take her to the waterpark and than I will take her to a movie or may be mini golf and we can get my MIL to watch her so we can all go together. I just tell myself and Lily this is temporary next summer will be different and she is ok with that. Leah will be 4 months on the 19th 4 months where did the time go?? I think when you have such a gap between children and than you have another one it really makes you cherish the time because they grow up so fast!!! My husband said he wishes time would stand still and she would stay this little forever and so do I. So life is different and different isn't always bad sometimes it's so damn good!!!

She celebrated her first 4th of July while I was at work:((( She had her first real belly laugh that day  and that is the most magical sound a baby laughing!!! We fruitlessly tried to get her to do it again to no avail but we tried. Hannah our dog made her laugh, Hannah of all things!!!

1st 4th of July

Loving her fingers yum yum

Reading Dr Suess the Cat in the Hat she loves looking at the pictures