New year

This will be our year!!! My new years resolution is to get pregnant with a  normal egg and have a baby and I will do everything besides going into debt. I am taking Clomid next month again 50mg and  we are  temping and opk. This Christmas was bittersweet and hard, honestly very hard as I watched my youngest daughter  Lily relish in believing in Santa. We did our Christmas traditions and I had to hold back tears that this might be my last Christmas with a child believing in Santa. Will I ever get to do this again I kept thinking to myself and so then I started soaking in everything my daughter was doing and enjoying her delight.

 My heart aches for a baby and my soul yearns for one. My gut whispers to me you foolish child you will never have another child and I think how will I cope with that that? What if and when my mind does there I get a sinking feeling in my stomach and tears well up in my eyes. So all I have now is my strength and faith that God will answer my prayers and my husband will be by my side as we trudge through this awful thing called infertility and balanced translocation. 

christmas miracle????.......

All I want for Christmas is a normal egg to meet with my Dh sperm. That's all!!!  So I am waiting for a positive opk still not getting one maybe tonight???? Ugghh and to top it off af is due on the 28th really????? Totally sucks so I am not testing at all I promise myself that I will not take away from the holidays and preoccupy my mind with testing and take way from enjoying Christmas!!! So onward we go and we have decided by March to see a Re. Why march because the weather here on the East coast can get pretty sucky during the winter. So I do not want to have to drive through a storm to get to RE's office. Everyone around me is pregnant at work!!! It doesn't help that I do 12 hour shifts either ughhh!!!! I want this so bad my heart actually aches!!!! I want to be able to start the new year with a healthy pregnancy. I can be positive though about ovulating on my own hopefully!!! So till next time baby dust to all!!!!