let it snow

So we got a dusting of snow last night and it was nice. At least if it's going to be this cold there should be snow!!! Made some homemade chocolate chip cookies yummy!!! oh almost forgot positive opk!!! Also I wish I could hibernate all winter I hate the cold!!! Here are some pics of the snow and Lily dancing in it!!!

lazy

Lazy that's how I have been feeling. I tried to upload pics but for some reason its not letting me. I have been busy with Lily's cheer comp yesterday there all day till 8 at night. I  give it up to my wonderful Hubby who worked Saturday and came to comp so he also had a long day!!!! I am on the PPA aka PTA for my girls school so I am in volunteering to help with school dance so I bought some decorations this weekend wish I could show you but it won't let me upload!!!! Also kind of became treasurer so I have to open a bank account for the PPA which I will have to do on Tuesday my day off along with changing out the box top board and lunch mom. Also order the photo cards online and get more items this weekend for dance like plates,napkins and wrapping paper or table cover to use as background for pictures. Phewww. I am actually glad I have all this stuff to keep me busy I really am I have no idea what cd I am on I think like 14/15 took opk on Friday was negative didn't take one yesterday going to take one after I am done blogging. I have had bad headaches this cycle from the clomid which have sucked went to bed early last night which I don't like to do on Saturday nights especially when Lily is here it's our family time and being silly. Kids are off tomorrow I have work from 7a-1 got someone to pick up the rest of my shift since the girls are off. Oh also ordered a trophy for box tops winner for girls school whichever class wins gets the trophy for that month and then it gets passed onto the next class who wins. Also ordered my sock partner her socks hope she likes them. Busy week ahead orthodontist appt for Rye, going to try to get into the eye dr for Lily tomorrow or Tuesday and maybe me and hubby by  the end of the week. Calgon take me away. So I am soaking up vegetating on the couch today and loving every second and wishing I could do this for a couple more days. I actually could hibernate all winter I dislike winter don't like going out in the cold. I despise it so much that my one gf texted me yesterday for me to come over today and I told her text me today when she wants me to come over and she didn't text  me and I was happy that she didn't!!!! Okay headache is creeping back this sucks!! Hope everyone had a great weekend!!!!

back to back

So Saturday morning I literally woke up crying. I was having a dream my dad was in it so I guess that's why I was crying. So I jumped out of bed and went to the bathroom and there was bright red blood. I lost it my dh was at work and I just cried. I kept thinking no way God would let this happen for the seventh time and back to back. Why isn't it our turn yet? I will be honest my faith is a little shaken. My dh was as devastated as me and grasping for straws he even say maybe the baby is snuggling in. But we both knew it was over again before it really began. So we forge ahead onto the next cycle. I think am going to take the Clomid this month and call the 'RE in Feb or March depending.
 So the weekend was eventful we had family game night on Friday night and Saturday me and Lily laid around and watched Netflix. Dh came home from work vomiting so he was in bed till Sunday. Then went to my Nan' s for Sunday dinner Lily went swimming and her eyes were hurting from chlorine so we left and went home and then she started vomiting. Now I have dh and Lily home sick today. I am going to make a more conscious effort to be positive even when all I have our doubts.

holding my breath

So my dh insisted I poas the other night so I did. After just going to the bathroom an hour before and drinking 32 ounces that day I did. To my surprise there were two lines the one was the there wasn't as dark as I wanted but there. So I am out of my limbo safe haven and into the holding my breath and hoping and praying this is our take home baby. The same thing happened to us on the same   exact dates two years back I made it to the 12  and the same dates in August made it to the 13. I am very conflicted  on how to feel on one hand I feel this is it, my boobs hurt more than they did the other 6 Times. I have been praying a couple of different prayers throughout the day. I have had slight cramps like two times maybe. Just feel like this is it we are pregnant!!  Then I feel my boobs don't hurt as much as they did yesterday I am not tired like everyone says they are. I ovulated late and so on. I guess I am scared to lose it. I am scared if I go on like yes I am pregnant and nothing is going to happen and something does I will completely and utterly lose it.I have decided as of  today right now I am putting my faith in God and trusting that this pregnancy will be great and we will have our take hone baby. I prayed numerous times yesterday different prayers . I prayed to my dad and my brother. I just prayed. So today I am pregnant and overjoyed that I am. Today I stop holding my breath but instead take a deep breath and thank  God for the gift of this baby he has given me and a third chance of being a mother.

Limbo.....

This is where I am in limbo. I put myself here and I actually kinda like it. It feels comforting like how I feel when I rest my head in that nook of  my husband' s chest. I am late for af. How many days late now  that' s a great question. According to fertility friend I am due for af tomorrow because it pushed back my cycle due to chemical last month. So if I go off of my regular cycles I was due for af Fri or sat. I started spotting on Thursday and thought hey I am going to get af tomorrow and the same thing happened the next day just  spotting and nada since then. Then all of a sudden my boobs started hurting and my boobs only hurt when I am pregnant. Oh and did I forget to mention that I do not know when I ovulated. I never got a positive opk and stopped taking them on cd 18. So you see my dilemma. Thursday and Friday could of been implantation spotting. I did POAS on Friday bfn.
 Confession I was secretly hoping I was pregnant after my boobs stared hurting it has only been a few days of them hurting but I was hoping. Then my  mind started being really mean and I then kept thinking this is exactly what happened in August actually same dates too!! Took a week of being late and then mc 10 days later. So I was still trying to be positive last night a smell in my  house got me nauseous and my boobs felt so sore. Then today I woke up in middle of the night and they didn't hurt that bad and didn't hurt that bad this morning. They do not hurt now either maybe my hormones leveled off  for the day?? I hope my boobs hurt tomorrow and if they don't I know af is on her way. I am not testing till maybe Fri and I am taking a digital test so I don't interpret the lines as not dark enough and so on.
Why does this keep happening I mean I know why it's just so unfair. This will be the 7th time. At which number will it be my take home baby??? When will it be our turn???