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So I tested this morning and BFN... shocked no,upset no,disappointed,no crying nothing. I think I knew it was going to be a good outcome at my follicle scan from everything I read 25 mm is just to big and that was on thursday so who know what size it was on sat and the other follicle too small. So maybe they will bring me in earlier next time. Also had some spotting in the tp this morning??!!! Just feeling blah today..,

Restlestness

That is what happened to me last night I could not fall asleep. Nothing particular was keeping me from dreamy land but as the time ticked by so did my thoughts they were actually all good thooughts. Baby names actually were popping in my head!!! I had a great day yesterday I voluntered at my girls school and afterwards went to thrift store and picked up some great buys for my best friend who is due in  April some cute little boy outifts and even ran them over to her house to show her right afterwards. I then came home counted box tops  and relaxed with my girls playing walking dead on ps3 awesome game I might say!!!! 
 Now onto my cycle well just as I predicted this cycle was a bust. I started spotting on saturday night at 11dpo!!! That is so not like me I always spot the day before af then she comes. I have been spotting on and off since then and tomorrow will probably full flow. I did test and it was a big fat negative but I actually was glad it was stark white!! No guessing and hoping and clutching at straws no bargaiing with God that I will stop curisng and go to church more. It was refreshing to get the BFN, I know crazy. Onto the next cyle as my other ttcer's would say forge ahead. I will do clomid again this month and try try try. That's all we can do right? Try
Here are the clothes I got for my bestie!!

Limbo.....

This is where I am in limbo. I put myself here and I actually kinda like it. It feels comforting like how I feel when I rest my head in that nook of  my husband' s chest. I am late for af. How many days late now  that' s a great question. According to fertility friend I am due for af tomorrow because it pushed back my cycle due to chemical last month. So if I go off of my regular cycles I was due for af Fri or sat. I started spotting on Thursday and thought hey I am going to get af tomorrow and the same thing happened the next day just  spotting and nada since then. Then all of a sudden my boobs started hurting and my boobs only hurt when I am pregnant. Oh and did I forget to mention that I do not know when I ovulated. I never got a positive opk and stopped taking them on cd 18. So you see my dilemma. Thursday and Friday could of been implantation spotting. I did POAS on Friday bfn.
 Confession I was secretly hoping I was pregnant after my boobs stared hurting it has only been a few days of them hurting but I was hoping. Then my  mind started being really mean and I then kept thinking this is exactly what happened in August actually same dates too!! Took a week of being late and then mc 10 days later. So I was still trying to be positive last night a smell in my  house got me nauseous and my boobs felt so sore. Then today I woke up in middle of the night and they didn't hurt that bad and didn't hurt that bad this morning. They do not hurt now either maybe my hormones leveled off  for the day?? I hope my boobs hurt tomorrow and if they don't I know af is on her way. I am not testing till maybe Fri and I am taking a digital test so I don't interpret the lines as not dark enough and so on.
Why does this keep happening I mean I know why it's just so unfair. This will be the 7th time. At which number will it be my take home baby??? When will it be our turn???

really??? You got to be kidding me....

That's how I felt when I got this, this   morning....

So I would be lying if I said I wasn't surprise. Surprised meaning like I did clomid,acupuncture, thought positive. I have zero symptoms nada zilch none. On the subject of symptoms are these women crazy who have symptoms before 7dpo like I felt my breast full and twinges at 1,2,3 etc dpo. Like really your egg hasn't even been fertilized. Like seriously get a grip. Wow that felt better. So onto the next cycle I stopped taking the progesterone and now waiting for af she is due on Tues,so hopefully she is on time.

Off the ttc my oldest daughter turned 14 where has the time gone? Wish she was a baby well not really  because she is just as difficult as a teenager as a baby. I have come far from that place single mom all alone. My life is great this past weekend we made pizza and watched movies my little one was sick, so we just relaxed. This weekend I am working what fun and next weekend we are going on our annual pumpkin patch.I am so excited because our pumpkin patch has apple picking and winery!!!! Oh yeah take that BFN!!!! So till next time GL and baby dust!!!!

yummy pizza with my hubby and daughter!!!