My first post.......

Can't believe I am blogging but here goes. My name is Trish and I am with the love of my life Lenny whom I dated years ago for 7 years. I have known him since his was nine years old and he is the love of my life and my best friend. We broke up went I went to college and were apart for a little over 10 years. Love and fate brought us back together a little bruised and battered but nonetheless back together.

 I a mom of two daughters from a previous marriage and they are Mariah who is 12 soon to be thirteen going on 21!!!! Lily who is 8 and is my feisty one. I had no trouble conceiving these two beauties. I was young with my first and naive. Had some miscarriages after her but never put any real thought into them. What can I say I was young, God to have the innocence back!!! I bled a little with Lily in the beginning but that was it. It was smooth sailing from there.

No onto my fertility problems. I guess I have always had PCOS. When I was sixteen I had to get 4 cysts removed my ovaries and was on birth control from then on. Then I had my daughter and got right back on birth control. Got off birth control for whatever reason and never got a period. I thought wow this is great never once knowing what it meant to my fertility. So I had  a miscarriage in March of 2002 and was getting married that September so , the plan was to wait till after we were married and go see my OB/GYN and maybe try clomid, his suggestion. Never got a period after that but again young and planning a wedding didn't really care. So a few days before I got married my boobs were killing me and wham BFP!!! I was in shock but happy. So like I mentioned earlier bled for a little bit but then it stopped and was great from there. Fast forward a couple years got out of a bad marriage. While I was married though never had a period for years didn't care . Lost 40 pounds and AF has arrived every month now for the past three years. Nowon  to the present time. Stopped birth control August 2010 and threw caution to the wind. Got pregnant in October and it was a chemical. Took a relaxed approach and got pregnant again in December 2010 knew it wasn't good from the start but tried to be optimistic and miscarried in January at 5 weeks. After the last miscarriage found out along with my PCOS I have a balanced translocation of chromosomes 5 and 10. Which means that I am a genetic misfit. What it means to my reporoductive organs is that every egg I release has a 50-50 chance of being chromosomal arraigned that it can result in a healthy pregnancy. IVF will not help even though some have good outcome. I am not wealthy and do not have credit cards to play this game of poker. See with IVF I could get say 5 embies and guess what they can all be unbalanced with my translocation which means that I just spent money that I didn't have rolling the dice. So with the research I have done, I will go through my own game of high stakes, that come with highs and lows. It's my life, this is the hand I was dealt I just have to deal with it the best I know how.
So I am in the care of RE that has started me on clomid which I responded well to. I did the clomid challenge and now was on my first round of monitored clomid with an hcg  trigger shot. I go in for a beta tomorrow but I already know my fate. I have been testing like an addict and all I have gotten is BFN, so I hope AF comes tomorrow so I don't have to go in for the stupid beta and get that stupid phone call. Want to get onto the next cycle already. Well have lots more to say but I think I have talked enough for today!!!