If you fail brush yourself off and try again

That is how I feel. I got pregnant this cycle but unfortunately it was another chemical pregnancy. My hpt never got dark and I had a gut feeling from the beginning. Here is a pic

So the top one from Thanksgiving morning and bottom two days before my beta was 34. I knew they should of been darker but my boobs were killing me so I had some hope.I was also on progesterone. That usually does not give me side effects but I think it did this time around but I am glad to know you will still miscarry on progesterone. So I started the downward spiral of spotting on Saturday. Had some cramps on Monday morning but it still is  like a spotting light flow, my temp is slowly dropping so I think AF will be in full force tomorrow. I really didn't get upset this time because I kind of had that feeling from the beginning. I am taking a break from clomid  this month so I can double my prescription next month which means I will take 100mg of clomid in January. I am hoping that a good egg comes forward. Impatiently waiting.... tick tick tick.....
Will it ever happen my gut says no but I will try. Maybe seeing the RE after the holidays we can use injectables so I can produce more eggs I don't know. I want this so bad for me and my husband. I want to have that great experience of being pregnant and raising a child with a great guy. Yes, I have two dd but my experiences while pregnant and raising them was lets just say far from what I imagined or wanted. I was basically alone both times and even though married but utterly alone. It was not the happy experience I deserved and dreamed about. I would have that with my husband he is the love of my life best friend and I want to give him this precious gift of a child of his own. I want him to experience the love that a baby brings into your life. I want him to feel completed.  This brings me back to when I had my last daughter, I remember holding her in my arms and saying I want to do this again, kind of like a feeling of knowing my destiny of having more children was not complete with her. I just want to have a baby that's all. To much to ask for???

  

charting isn't for the faint of heart...

So this is my second month of charting I had a temp dip below cover line at 6dpo and the dip at 8dpo and rise at 9dpo.Then i went onto to some ttc boards posted my chart asked girls just to look at it exact words and they were so rude that is why I do not go on those boards!!!! I didn't have any particular questions just about the temps up and down and they were like what do you want. Whatever so I am here right now debating on whether or not to test since I have to pee. HMMMMMM.... I want to and then don't want to. ughhh so frustrating I think it will be way to early and I will start obsessing right???? Well here is my chart

Some thanksgiving recipes

So with Thanksgiving around the corner decided to post some recipes I am going to try and one I always do.

5

Servings: 2 dozen
Prep Time: 15 min
Cook Time: 45 min
Difficulty: Easy

Ingredients Add to grocery list

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
Streusel topping (recipe follows)
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 granny smith apples, peeled, cored and finely chopped
2 large eggs
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar, divided
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
2 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
2 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup caramel topping
Streusel Topping
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup quick cooking oats
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
In a medium bowl, combine flour and brown sugar. Cut in butter with a pastry blender until mixture is crumbly. Press evenly into a 13-by-9-by-2 inch baking pan lined with heavy-duty aluminum foil. Bake 15 minutes or until lightly browned.
In a large bowl, beat cream cheese with 1/2 cup sugar in an electric mixer at medium speed until smooth. Then add eggs, 1 at a time, and vanilla. Stir to combine. Pour over warm crust.
In a small bowl, stir together chopped apples, remaining 2 tablespoons sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Spoon evenly over cream cheese mixture. Sprinkle evenly with Streusel topping. Bake 30 minutes, or until filling is set. Drizzle with caramel topping.
Streusel Topping
In a small bowl, combine all ingredients.

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A link to Hot Crab Dip was e-mailed

• Thanksgiving Main
• Easy Appetizers
• Perfect Turkey
• More

Hot Crab Dip

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Ingredients

• 1 pound jumbo lump crabmeat, free of shells
• 1 cup grated pepper jack cheese
• 3/4 cup mayonnaise
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan
• 1/4 cup green onions, minced, optional
• 5 to 6 roasted garlic cloves or 2 cloves minced
• 3 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
• 2 tablespoons fresh lemon or lime juice
• 1 teaspoon hot pepper sauce
• 1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
• Salt and pepper

Directions

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.

Combine all of the ingredients in a casserole and gently stir until thoroughly mixed. Bake for 40 minutes. Serve hot with crackers or toast points.

©Television Food Network G.P.
All Rights Reserved.

Ingredients

• 1 pound jumbo lump crabmeat, free of shells
• 1 cup grated pepper jack cheese
• 3/4 cup mayonnaise
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan
• 1/4 cup green onions, minced, optional
• 5 to 6 roasted garlic cloves or 2 cloves minced
• 3 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
• 2 tablespoons fresh lemon or lime juice
• 1 teaspoon hot pepper sauce
• 1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
• Salt and pepper

Directions

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.

Combine all of the ingredients in a casserole and gently stir until thoroughly mixed. Bake for 40 minutes. Serve hot with crackers or toast points.

Cake

Powdered sugar

3/4 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

1/4 teaspoon salt

3 Land O Lakes® All-Natural Eggs

1 cup sugar

2/3 cup LIBBY'S 100% Pure Pumpkin

1 cup chopped walnuts, if desired

Filling

1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened

1 cup sifted powdered sugar

6 tablespoons Land O Lakes® Butter, softened

1 teaspoon vanilla

Powdered sugar, if desired

Directions

Heat oven to 375°F. Grease 15x10x1-inch jelly-roll pan; line with parchment or waxed paper. Grease and flour paper; set aside. Arrange clean thin, cotton kitchen towel on counter; sprinkle with powdered sugar.



Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves and salt in small bowl. Combine eggs and sugar in large bowl; beat until thickened. Add pumpkin; beat until well mixed. Stir in flour mixture. Spread batter evenly into prepared pan. Sprinkle with walnuts, if desired.



Bake for 13 to 15 minutes or until center springs back when lightly touched. Immediately loosen cake from edges of pan; invert onto prepared towel. Remove pan; carefully peel off paper. Roll up cake in towel while hot, starting with 10-inch side. Cool completely on wire rack.



Beat cream cheese, 1 cup powdered sugar, butter and vanilla in small bowl until smooth. Carefully unroll cake; remove towel. Spread cream cheese mixture over cake. Reroll cake. Wrap in plastic food wrap; refrigerate at least one hour. Sprinkle with powdered sugar before serving, if desired..
 

I always make a pumpkin roll and I am trying the crab dip and the cheesecake for the first time.

Let's swap recipes.

Happy halloween

This year no trick or treating for me my oldest is too old and my other daughter is with her father. It's kind of weird, sad and nice all in one. No running home trying to do make-up, hair, and last minute things like remembering I didn't get trick or treat bags. I will have one last year next year to trick or treat, Lily will only be 10 so we will go out,  but I wonder today on this gloomy Halloween is this it? I am done Halloween, will I ever dress up a baby for Halloween and try to teach it to say trick or treat again? Will my husband ever get to experience a first Halloween with a  baby? It leaves me thinking and for a minute I am down and out, then I think I need to be positive and yes we will be trick or treating with a little one  of our own maybe not next Halloween but it will happen soon enough for us. Have to be positive well that's what Joel Osteen says!!!! Well everyone have  a safe and happy Halloween everyone!!!!

The calm before the storm

Sitting here waiting for hurricane Sandy and this is what keeps popping in my head

haha I keep wanting to belt out, "Your the one that I love"!!! Hopefully we will not get hit too bad and praying we do not lose power. This is going to be short post hubby next to me sleeping!!!!shhh!!!!! Had a thought today and I will show you in a pic what my thought was

This is what it takes to get pregnant in your 30's and this is what it takes in tour 20's

Go figure!!!???? Well anyways on cd 5 taking clomid, did acupuncture on sat probably won'tmake it there until next sat because of the storm. My Uncle who is my dad's brother(my dad passed away 12 years ago) he takes care of my Nan who is 90 and he has a bad heart and is back in the hospital so I slept over her house last night felt horrible all day, ran a low grade fever went to bed early and feeling fine today weird!!! But the damn fever messed with my bbt charting!!! That's it for now good night, good luck and baby dust!!!!



really??? You got to be kidding me....

That's how I felt when I got this, this   morning....

So I would be lying if I said I wasn't surprise. Surprised meaning like I did clomid,acupuncture, thought positive. I have zero symptoms nada zilch none. On the subject of symptoms are these women crazy who have symptoms before 7dpo like I felt my breast full and twinges at 1,2,3 etc dpo. Like really your egg hasn't even been fertilized. Like seriously get a grip. Wow that felt better. So onto the next cycle I stopped taking the progesterone and now waiting for af she is due on Tues,so hopefully she is on time.

Off the ttc my oldest daughter turned 14 where has the time gone? Wish she was a baby well not really  because she is just as difficult as a teenager as a baby. I have come far from that place single mom all alone. My life is great this past weekend we made pizza and watched movies my little one was sick, so we just relaxed. This weekend I am working what fun and next weekend we are going on our annual pumpkin patch.I am so excited because our pumpkin patch has apple picking and winery!!!! Oh yeah take that BFN!!!! So till next time GL and baby dust!!!!

yummy pizza with my hubby and daughter!!!

OOOOO Yeah

I ovulated well according to my opk's and Fertility friend I did. We had good bding times and I am hopeful really really hopeful. I went to acupuncture last night and I kept reciting positive affirmations in my head. I am trying to be positive about my cycles from now on. I know we can do this and I know we'll hold a baby in our arms in 9 months. So I started taking my progesterone last night 200mg vaginally. I decided to take it after looking back on my last mc. I always spotted from the day I found out I was pg and when I got my level checked it was only 3.2. I was measuring behind but they said my hcg levels were good and my sac looked great so I was thinking maybe I did produce a normal egg and it was my progesterone so they gave me a script that I filled for the mc so I decided to take it. So I researched the hell out of it online and also decided to take it vaginally instead of orally. What I read was that if you take it orally your liver absosrbs most of it and the side effects are horrible. If you take it vaginally you absorb it better and less side effects. So we'll see. I am only 4dpo and I am trying no to test until Sat the 20th but probably will cave and test on Friday. So have a great weekend and enjoy the fall weather and festivities!!!!