daydreaming

I love road trips!!! I always daydream on them. When I was in a bad marriage I would daydream about being with my now husband and how much better life   would be!!! Dreams do come true. Now as I sit on this bus headed to DC with my oldest  baby on her 8th grade trip I am  daydreaming about BFP and me and Lenny with a baby added to our family. Which road in life my Rye will take. Sometimes I daydream of us camping with an added family member with a stroller parked along side a tent. I dream about my daughters being big  sisters and loving their baby brother/sister. Sometimes my dreams are just me  and Lenny   older traveling camping at Yosemite seeing the Grand Canyon the girls are grown up doing their own thing. Truthfully it hurts my heart when those dreams enter my mind. But I do find comfort that in the end baby or no baby I have my wonderful husband and my 2girls. Quite frankly life keeps moving even if your dreams are stuck in your head and never come to fruition. Thats why they are called dreams right? There is a chance they might come true thats why we keep dreaming.....

change of heart

Literally change of heart!!! My uncle who is like a dad to me since my dad passes away received a new heart on thursday morning!!! It is unreal what science today can do!!!! He was up and took a little walk last night!!! I am exhausted though but all worth it. My sister is away since wed on conference so me and hubby have been holding down the fort. My niece has been staying with my nan taking care of her and keeping her company. Thank god I am not on a monitored cycle this month God works jn mysterious ways!!! Feeling grateful to the donor family for giving this gift!!!!  Two thumbs up from Uncle Tim!!! This was right after he came out of the OR!!!

benched

So I am benched this cycle!! Had car trouble and timing wasn't able to make it to RE. So I am drug free this cycle which I think is good I have been  on meds since   September. So we are just going to relax this cycle well at least try too!!!

Today is also my daughters 10 year old bday it saddens me that she is in double digits that she is getting biggerit really   saddens my heart. 25 years ago today my brother passed away at the tender age of 21 on his last day of college. There was no crime no car accident just mother nature he was struck and killed by lightning. So today is bittersweet. Tomorrow is my dad's birthday and then two days after that is the anniversary of his death. This is the week that is an emotional roller coaster for me. Just trying to take deep breaths and letting the tears flow....